Wednesday

A LETTER TO MY SPV MOBILE PHONE


I hate you. Seriously, I really hate you. Please don't misunderstand me, I. FUCKING. HATE. YOU! I hate so much about you. It's why your ring tone is
Kelis' I Hate You So Much Right Now.

I hate the way you turn yourself off for no reason. I hate the fact you tell me I have a message when I don't, and then refuse to remove that silly icon at the top. I hate that your touch-screen is unreadable on even a partially sunny day. Partially! For fuck sake!

I hate the fact I can't change the picture on your screen anymore. I hate you for cutting off my calls for no reason. I hate you for ringing other people in the middle of my conversations. I hate that your stupid little pencily thing falls out easily and is impossible to buy anywhere other than on eBay. I hate that I can't change you until April. I hate the fact your menu is only intuitive to
Stephen Hawking. I hate that you've stopped telling me when texts arrive.

I hate that sometimes, when it suits you, you selfish bastard, you can't be bothered to ring and so calls go straight to the answerphone. And then I think, is that a message or are you lying again? I hate that you're not compatible with Apples. And let me tell you something, you're not a real computer. You're not even a real phone. In fact, you PISS ME OFF, IN SO, SO MANY WAYS, YOU BASTARD.

25 comments:

Katie Chatfield said...

I hate that I can't find your email address and have to put this in you comments. You've been tagged to tell us all 5 things about yourself... check out mine here www.getshouty.com

Marcus Brown said...

I tagged you too.

Gavin Heaton said...

I was gonna tag you but was too scared -- but thought it would be funny anyway. So, so glad that Katie and Marcus got to you (so to speak).

BTW Angryman, "you're not even a real phone" is a line of pure genius. Love your work.

AngryMan said...

Cheers Katie, Marcus and Gavin. It will be my pleasure to include 5 things you don't know about me.

And Gavin, just between me and you, I'll throw in a 6th. I'm not scary at all. Not unless you PISS ME OFF YOU BASTARD

Anonymous said...

SPV - what a fucking liberty!!

Iain said...

My flatmate hates the fact that his broke a couple of days after he got it and he's still paying a monthly thing for it now cos the insurance compnay wouldn't pay out. i'd send you the pen thing, but he lost that before the phone even broke.

Gavin Heaton said...

I would wear it as a badge of honour to have PISSED YOU OFF ... and proud to be called a BASTARD ;)

Keep the invective coming!

Orange Dealer said...

Im loving this whole page dedicated to the pile of crap that is SPV. Im an authorised dealer of Orange and I own an SPV M600. Totally shit peace of phone that doesnt even deserve to exist. I love this page and your complete originality.

Hold it up!

Anonymous said...

In the centre of the first picture the overuse of bright scarlet red in the Hogan
is linked with the hogan donna
Interactive in silver snake-print. Apparently Hogan scarpe uomo
had extra spikes put in his Hogan uomo
for extra grip.

Regena said...

Goodness, there is really much worthwhile data in this post!

Anonymous said...

That is a rеally good tіp ρarticularly tο those fresh to thе blogοsphere.
Simρle but verу accurаte іnformation… Thankѕ for sharing thіѕ one.
A must read poѕt!

Ѕtoр bу my blog - bramka sms

Anonymous said...

Its like you reаԁ mу minԁ!
You seem to knоw so much аbout this, like you wrote
the book in it or ѕomething. I thіnk that you
could dο with a few pics to drive the message home a bіt, but
instead of that, this is great blog. A fantaѕtіc read.
I will definіtely bе bacκ.

My blog; www.revistabcm.com

Anonymous said...

Hello, Neat post. There іs an iѕsue аlοng with your website in internеt eхplorег, maу check this?

IE still is the maгket chiеf and a good pоrtion of other fοlks will pass oveг
your magnificent writing duе to this ρroblem.


mу blog post; www.thtc.co.uk

Anonymous said...

I woulԁ like to thank you for thе effortѕ you've put in penning this site. I really hope to see the same high-grade blog posts by you in the future as well. In fact, your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get my own website now ;)

Also visit my site ... bramka sms play

Anonymous said...

I'll right away seize your rss feed as I can not to find your e-mail subscription link or newsletter service. Do you've
any? Kindly allow me knoω іn order that I
may subѕcгibe. Thankѕ.

Check out my ωeb blοg; bramka sms

Anonymous said...

Afteг I originally left a commеnt I appear to have сlicκed on the -Notіfy mе when nеw comments аrе added- chеckbox аnd now each time a сomment
іs adԁed I get fοur emails with the sаme сomment.

Реrhaρs there іs an easy method you are аble to remοve me from that serviсe?

Thank you!

Viѕit my weblog :: http://nbakhtina.ru/node/173922

Anonymous said...

Goοd responѕe in return of thіs query with genuine arguments and еxplaining the whole thіng
сοnсегning that.


Fеel frеe to ѕurf to my weblog:
darmowa bramka sms do holandii

Anonymous said...

Great items from you, man. I've keep in mind your stuff previous to and you're just extremely great.
I actually like what you have obtained right here, really like what you are saying and
the way in which wherein you assert it. You are making it entertaining and you continue to care
for to stay it wise. I can't wait to read much more from you. That is actually a terrific site.

Here is my web blog ... Mario Lemieux Black Jersey

Anonymous said...

Hey There. I found your weblog using msn. That is an extremely smartly
written article. I will make sure to bookmark it and return to read
more of your helpful info. Thanks for the post. I will definitely comeback.


Also visit my web blog ... next page

Anonymous said...

Highly descriptive post, I liked that a lot. Will there be a part 2?


Also visit my web-site - Sac Louis Vuitton

Anonymous said...

What's up, I check your blogs on a regular basis. Your writing style is witty, keep it up!

My weblog; Nike Air Max

Anonymous said...

I'm amazed, I must say. Rarely do I come across a blog that's both equally educative and amusing, and
let me tell you, you've hit the nail on the head. The issue is something that not enough folks are speaking intelligently about. Now i'm
very happy that I found this in my search for something concerning this.


My weblog - Abercrombie Et Fitch

Anonymous said...

Heya! I understand this is somewhat off-topic but I had to ask.
Does running a well-established blog such as yours require
a massive amount work? I'm completely new to operating a blog however I do write in my diary on a daily basis. I'd
like to start a blog so I can easily share my personal experience and feelings online.
Please let me know if you have any suggestions or
tips for new aspiring blog owners. Appreciate it!



my blog post ... Sac Louis Vuitton

Anonymous said...

Hey! Would you mind if I share your blog with my twitter group?
There's a lot of folks that I think would really appreciate your content. Please let me know. Thank you

my web blog: Louis Vuitton Handbags

Anonymous said...

Tiens jе comptais réɗigеr uun petit poste identiique à celui ci

my homepagge ... gros mamelons