skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Greedy and stupid is Adam Simmonds. He sells swanky glasses and expensive contact lenses to yummie mummies and their city hubbies in Primrose Hill. I use to get my eyes tested by him yearly and bought my lenses from him (dispite not being a yummie mummy nor a city hubby). It was that time of the year again and so I needed to get my eyes tested and buy some new contacts. So I phoned him up.
The conversation went some thing like;
Me: Can I book an appointment to get my eyes tested?
Adam S: Is it for contacts or glasses?
Me: Does it matter?
Adam S: To me
Me: Contact lenses
Adam S: Will you be buying them from us
Me: Not when they're a third cheaper on the net, no.
Adam S: Then no, you can't
Me: But I'm entitled to a free eye test, because of family history
Line goes dead.
So I went off to SpecSavers instead, who were smashing. Not like Adam Simmonds who PISSED ME OFF, YOU BASTARD
Simple enough story. I bought a jacket here. Well, it was the sales and all that and it has been cold lately. Oh, how lovely they were, I couldn't make my mind up between a medium and a large. I'm kind of built like that - between sizes. It's the same with shoes am I a 7 and half? Or an 8? A 41 or a 42. It's bugger I can tell you.
But I digress. Back to Interstate of Covent Garden. Oh they were so nice, couldn't have been nicer. I opted for the medium - the right choice I think, even now.
So I get it home and what do I find? A bloody mark on the sleeve. So I went back to the shop. explained the situation - would they change it, like fuck they would. It ended in a raised voices. I ended up storming out and, in a fit of anger, giving the coat and reciept to the next homeless bloke I saw. I like to think he went back in and caused even more trouble for the bastards in Interstate, Covent Garden. (And even if he didn't, I hope you're a little warmer matey).
Either way, you lot at Interstate, Covent Garden, YOU PISSED ME OFF, YOU BASTARDS.
Nice shiny plaque so he must be good, right? Wrong. I dropped about three and half grand with Tim Morris, dentist to the fucking mugs of London. Now, I hate the dentist - something about sticking evil looking tools of pain in mouths all day, does that. Anyway that figure was the culmination of a lot of years neglect and included two caps, so while that's a lot of coin, it was needed if I was ever going to smile with confidence again.
About 2 months after the work, the first cap fell out, it was refitted, then the second one fell out, then the first one again. Well you can imagine my surprise when I went back and Timmo told me that it was my fault. How so? Oh I've been eating again. well of course, that's down to me, fair cop gov'. Now, imagine just who fucking gobsmacked I was when I was told I would need a bridge, which is like two caps in one and twice as fucking expensive.
I said I'd think about it and made my excuses and left.
Time for second opinion. This time I went to a lovely dentist, Dr. Peraria, seeing as you didn't ask, only discover that cap one was always going to fall out as it was embedded in a cracked tooth and so would always have wobbly foundations.
I really should have looked at the sign by the buzzer to get an idea of what he was really like.
So, Tim Morris BDS, now you know why YOU PISSED ME OFF YOU BASTARD.
