I'm not a fan of the countryside. It's okay to visit, for a few days, 5 at tops. But let's be honest, anymore and you might as well read the Daily Mail, hate all dark-skinned people (asylum-seeking, job-stealing dole-draining, bomb-making terrorist gypsy types) and believe that the master-race wears brogues, cords and barbours.
Well, you know what, arseholes, if it were such a great place we'd all move there, but we don't, most of us live in cities. Just check out the figures, More of us live in one tower block than one of your counties - so you work it out. And why? Because we love knowing we can go and get fresh coriander at 3am for one (Even though we never do), And we enjoy the food, company and cultures of those people of a different creed or colour.
If you haven't guessed, it's not the nature bit I don't like, God's contribution is fine with me. No, it's the fucking people.
When people from the city came down and told them to rip out the hedges and kill off the wildlife and spray the land with poisons and abuse their live stock they nodded their big, blotchy, red faces, took the subsidies and went down t' pub to drink some disgusting cloudy cow piss out of personalised tankards.
But when people from the city came down and told them to stop killing animals for pleasure what happens? They band together, they lobby government, they seek coverage in the media, they unite, they rebel.
It's because your priorities are so fucked that you should know, cuntry folk, that YOU PISS ME OFF, YOU STUPID BASTARDS.
PS. You don't even own the land, you lease it from your children, that's how stupid you are.
24 comments:
You sir are spot on.
Whilst I think it is unfair to judge all country folk as being Daily Mail reading facist animal murdering wankers, I think the numbers are far higher than should be acceptable in any society...
I fully agree with you, not all country folk are Daily Mail readers, some of them can't read at all.
having lived with these people for three years, I can state:
1. You are correct
2. Daily Mail is too complex for them
3. They pissed me off for three years
4. They all, and I mean all, smell of poo.
Thank you.
I have lived in the 'cuntry' as you so eloquently wrote all my life. I don't read the Daily Mail but I do, sorry did, read your blog.
What I hate are towny twats like you who are stupid enough to actually think you have it better living in a crime ridden, polluted, dirty, overcrowded, hell hole of a city paying £2.3m for 10 square feet of urban bullshit.
So where do you stand on city dwellers with weekend country retreats? Rich Mail on Sunday reading bastards?
You should watch the latest Dylan Moran DVD, he says a lot of accurate stuff about people who want to "move to the country"...
Is it alright to not give a fuck about foxes or how they are dispatched whilst not being a big-eared, ruddy-faced, inbred dullard? I live in a city, have access to fresh coriander etc, but couldn't care less if country folk blew up foxes with cannons. I don't read newspapers either. What am I? Does not reading The Daily Mail yet being in the slightest bit concerned about flea-ridden country vermin make me a racist or something? I'm confused - I can't say I care for coriander much either ... fresh or canned.
Sometimes your funny.
But This Arrogance just takes the Piss.
Fucking arrogant snobbish cunt.
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Fuck London. Seriously. The most bigotted, racist, close-minded people I've ever met all live in (or below) the rat-infested city you call home. Not to mention all the muggers, the muderers, and the scagheads I haven't met.
Coriander?
You fucking twat.
For trying to disguise your smog-induced agoraphobia with some sort of ill-conceived pseudo-intelligent predictable moral argument, YOU PISSED ME OFF, YOU BASTARD
Copyblighter, I rest my case you're obviously, so obviously from the country, you little bumpkin, you
Simon, your powers of deduction couldn't help but amaze.
Did you pick up on my ever-so-subtle hostility towards your darling London, or was it the webbed feet and buck teeth that gave me away?
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