I hate you. Seriously, I really hate you. Please don't misunderstand me, I. FUCKING. HATE. YOU! I hate so much about you. It's why your ring tone is Kelis' I Hate You So Much Right Now.
I hate the way you turn yourself off for no reason. I hate the fact you tell me I have a message when I don't, and then refuse to remove that silly icon at the top. I hate that your touch-screen is unreadable on even a partially sunny day. Partially! For fuck sake!
I hate the fact I can't change the picture on your screen anymore. I hate you for cutting off my calls for no reason. I hate you for ringing other people in the middle of my conversations. I hate that your stupid little pencily thing falls out easily and is impossible to buy anywhere other than on eBay. I hate that I can't change you until April. I hate the fact your menu is only intuitive to Stephen Hawking. I hate that you've stopped telling me when texts arrive.
I hate that sometimes, when it suits you, you selfish bastard, you can't be bothered to ring and so calls go straight to the answerphone. And then I think, is that a message or are you lying again? I hate that you're not compatible with Apples. And let me tell you something, you're not a real computer. You're not even a real phone. In fact, you PISS ME OFF, IN SO, SO MANY WAYS, YOU BASTARD.
I hate that I can't find your email address and have to put this in you comments. You've been tagged to tell us all 5 things about yourself... check out mine here www.getshouty.com
ReplyDeleteI tagged you too.
ReplyDeleteI was gonna tag you but was too scared -- but thought it would be funny anyway. So, so glad that Katie and Marcus got to you (so to speak).
ReplyDeleteBTW Angryman, "you're not even a real phone" is a line of pure genius. Love your work.
Cheers Katie, Marcus and Gavin. It will be my pleasure to include 5 things you don't know about me.
ReplyDeleteAnd Gavin, just between me and you, I'll throw in a 6th. I'm not scary at all. Not unless you PISS ME OFF YOU BASTARD
SPV - what a fucking liberty!!
ReplyDeleteMy flatmate hates the fact that his broke a couple of days after he got it and he's still paying a monthly thing for it now cos the insurance compnay wouldn't pay out. i'd send you the pen thing, but he lost that before the phone even broke.
ReplyDeleteI would wear it as a badge of honour to have PISSED YOU OFF ... and proud to be called a BASTARD ;)
ReplyDeleteKeep the invective coming!
Im loving this whole page dedicated to the pile of crap that is SPV. Im an authorised dealer of Orange and I own an SPV M600. Totally shit peace of phone that doesnt even deserve to exist. I love this page and your complete originality.
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