Sunday

TAKING THE O OUT OF COUNTRYSIDE


I'm not a fan of the countryside. It's okay to visit, for a few days, 5 at tops. But let's be honest, anymore and you might as well read the Daily Mail, hate all dark-skinned people (asylum-seeking, job-stealing dole-draining, bomb-making terrorist gypsy types) and believe that the master-race wears brogues, cords and barbours.

Well, you know what, arseholes, if it were such a great place we'd all move there, but we don't, most of us live in cities. Just check out the figures, More of us live in one tower block than one of your counties - so you work it out. And why? Because we love knowing we can go and get fresh coriander at 3am for one (Even though we never do), And we enjoy the food, company and cultures of those people of a different creed or colour.

If you haven't guessed, it's not the nature bit I don't like, God's contribution is fine with me. No, it's the fucking people.

When people from the city came down and told them to rip out the hedges and kill off the wildlife and spray the land with poisons and abuse their live stock they nodded their big, blotchy, red faces, took the subsidies and went down t' pub to drink some disgusting cloudy cow piss out of personalised tankards.

But when people from the city came down and told them to stop killing animals for pleasure what happens? They band together, they lobby government, they seek coverage in the media, they unite, they rebel.

It's because your priorities are so fucked that you should know, cuntry folk, that YOU PISS ME OFF, YOU STUPID BASTARDS.

PS. You don't even own the land, you lease it from your children, that's how stupid you are.

40 comments:

Rob said...

You sir are spot on.

Whilst I think it is unfair to judge all country folk as being Daily Mail reading facist animal murdering wankers, I think the numbers are far higher than should be acceptable in any society...

AngryMan said...

I fully agree with you, not all country folk are Daily Mail readers, some of them can't read at all.

Marcus Brown said...

having lived with these people for three years, I can state:

1. You are correct
2. Daily Mail is too complex for them
3. They pissed me off for three years
4. They all, and I mean all, smell of poo.

Thank you.

Jamal from Dorset said...

I have lived in the 'cuntry' as you so eloquently wrote all my life. I don't read the Daily Mail but I do, sorry did, read your blog.

What I hate are towny twats like you who are stupid enough to actually think you have it better living in a crime ridden, polluted, dirty, overcrowded, hell hole of a city paying £2.3m for 10 square feet of urban bullshit.

nemonic said...

So where do you stand on city dwellers with weekend country retreats? Rich Mail on Sunday reading bastards?

Rob Mortimer said...

You should watch the latest Dylan Moran DVD, he says a lot of accurate stuff about people who want to "move to the country"...

BPP said...

Is it alright to not give a fuck about foxes or how they are dispatched whilst not being a big-eared, ruddy-faced, inbred dullard? I live in a city, have access to fresh coriander etc, but couldn't care less if country folk blew up foxes with cannons. I don't read newspapers either. What am I? Does not reading The Daily Mail yet being in the slightest bit concerned about flea-ridden country vermin make me a racist or something? I'm confused - I can't say I care for coriander much either ... fresh or canned.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes your funny.
But This Arrogance just takes the Piss.

Fucking arrogant snobbish cunt.

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copyblighter said...

Fuck London. Seriously. The most bigotted, racist, close-minded people I've ever met all live in (or below) the rat-infested city you call home. Not to mention all the muggers, the muderers, and the scagheads I haven't met.

Coriander?

You fucking twat.

For trying to disguise your smog-induced agoraphobia with some sort of ill-conceived pseudo-intelligent predictable moral argument, YOU PISSED ME OFF, YOU BASTARD

YPMOYB said...

Copyblighter, I rest my case you're obviously, so obviously from the country, you little bumpkin, you

copyblighter said...

Simon, your powers of deduction couldn't help but amaze.

Did you pick up on my ever-so-subtle hostility towards your darling London, or was it the webbed feet and buck teeth that gave me away?

a.g. said...

I'm an ex-urbi and I'd like to say that there are two types of people that live in the countryside: the rich and the the rest. No different to your London utopia.
They don't all agree with foxhunting by the way and most regard the upper clases as tossers.

Zorion said...

I tell you what you stupid arrogant piece of shit. People from the 'cuntry' could buy and sell knobs like you. I thought you were funny, but this is just fucking ignorant. YOU PISSED ME OFF, YOU BASTARD!

Anonymous said...

came across your blog by accident,
what a fucking dead head wanker you are!

Anonymous said...

Its quite simple really. Why dont you stay in your tower block with the rest of the rats and that way you wont pollute our countryside.

Anonymous said...

"And we enjoy the food, company and cultures of those people of a different creed or colour..."

What a hypocrite, bigot fuck face you are, lol.

London Prick.

Take any O out of London, or put one in, scramble the the letters however you see fit... you're still faced with a citizenry of proper ignorant cunts, all just like you, feltching each other with southern insecurescaredofbeingbetteredbyanythingnorthofwatfordphobic shitsperm.

Anonymous said...

And who grew your gay-fuck coriander you stupid city cunt?

Anonymous said...

Are you sure this image isn't photoshop? To be honest I don't give a shit what you think about us. People in the country are caring. Obviously some scank has come from the City and fucked every thing up.You are discusting the rest if the things on here are funny but this is just another level and that is why YOU PISS ME OFF, YOU BASTERD!

Anonymous said...

Pure shit. Just because YOU are racist doesn't mean we are . I can't believe you ,someone from the city, can say this about people in the country. This proves that people in the city are arrogant bastards who think there the best. Just because we don't believe in polluting the world does not mean we smell off SHIT. If you had any common sense you would know that turd is used to fertilise crops.ARSEHOLE.

Anonymous said...

Are you okay? Are you alright in the head? Ever seen escape to the country? The people on there want to get away from shity conditions and bastards like you. They want to move to a nice living condition.Also if you hadn't notest because your head is stuck up your arse the daily mail is a national news paper. Just because we aren't slappers like you doesn't mean we are less intelligent. BITCH.

Anonymous said...

Mother fucker

Anonymous said...

You sick bastard

Anonymous said...

How old are you? This article reads like it has been posted by a six year old.

English Tramp said...

fucking right there are no birds left all have been poisoned by fucking slug pellets there are no song thrushes left all you cuntry cyunts have fucked the country side really good you fucking shit people

English Tramp said...

Yes all thye Song Thrushes are an example none are left due to Farmers and stupid ignorant people poisoning skugs and the Song Thrushes have eaten them and all died none are left and that Cunt cameron has done nothing except send money to that fucking Nigger mugabe who has butchered his people and made Zimbabwe a shit heap fucking politicians they shouls all be shot

English Tramp said...

Dont vote for Labour for fucksake not that any of the other shit in Parliament are any good vote for me and get Britain back to be great it is finished with these bastrads in Power all are scum

Anonymous said...

@ marcus brown in particular, u sir are a complete cunt!
I live in the wye valley, (thats countryside, to u shity dwelling troglodite hypocritical bastard government loving royalist twats) guess what? I don't read the daily mail, as with most mass media its made up of well mainly complete bollox like the shit this twat posts here. I'm also an animal lover thus i fucking hate lardy da toffs riding around on their poncey fucking horses with their rabid fucking mongrels leading the way terrorising some poor fox. Last i checked i didn't smell of poo neither, so u fucking judgemental cunts that think you are some sort of trendy cool person because you live in a fucking shitty towerblock, with stairwells that stink of piss and some foreigner running a takeaway on the corner
Selling halal shit with his hands that he uses for toilet paper because he doesn't believe in hygeine need to wake the fuck up, cos when the shit hits the fan you'll all be running to the countryside in hope that you'll be safe from the lovely foreign ethnicities you so proudly proclaim to enjoy the company of!!!!!! Peace out cunts.
Allah, who the fuck is allah!!!!!!